Dealing with Homesickness

While not entirely happy with the idea of boarding school, your teen was excited by the prospect of a fresh start. But now, after only a week, he's calling, begging you to let him come home. You worry that you've made the wrong decision.

What can a parent do about homesickness? First, it's important to realize that many teens become homesick while at boarding school. Homesickness is a natural part of the adjustment process. At home, your teen was with familiar people and in familiar surroundings, and even if she had problems meeting challenges successfully, she likely felt more secure and in control than in the unfamiliar surroundings of boarding school. The insecurity of leaving familiar things and people behind and trying to adapt to new people and situations can cause a preoccupation with home and a grieving for the loss of what was familiar and secure. Homesick teens can feel depressed, anxious, and even physically ill.

Try to remember that your child has not lost anything but instead has the potential to gain a great deal. Homesickness tends to cause a troubled teen to view home, a place of increasing problems and conflict — with rose-tinted glasses. The same problems that existed prior to the boarding school decision still exist, and your child needs to focus on becoming involved in his new community.

Here are some things you can do to help:

• Reassure your teen that homesickness is normal and that many people experience this when they leave home for a while. Remind him that homesickness is usually short-lived.
• Listen to your child's concerns, but don't let the looking back hinder her moving forward. Remind her that she is there to learn the skills she needs to be able to come home. Establish a regular contact time but limit the number of acceptable calls.
• Encourage your teen to become involved in her new life. Ask about her classes, activities, and the other students that she's met. Praise her for her efforts to make friends.
• If homesickness has not improved after several weeks, encourage him to talk to a teacher or counselor. Follow up with staff yourself for a progress report.